KiMiGaYo A.K.A Lumut Crew

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Slop her-knocker

NEW ORLEANS - Though Vickie Guerrero may be the “Boss” of Monday Night Raw, she certainly wasn’t the “Boss Hog” after her match with Santina Marella at Extreme Rules.

For weeks, “Santino” and “Santina” Marella have been insulting Guerrero, calling her a pig, oinking at every turn, and even using “Santino’s Casa” as a way to terrorize the General Manager. And when Santino pinned his former flame, Beth Phoenix, to pick up the victory and the choice of stipulation for their “Miss WrestleMania” Rematch, it was only fitting that it be a Hog Pen Match.

But before the match could begin, Vickie entered the arena in a formal gown, and pulled rank, bringing in her own change to the face-off: her nephew, Chavo Guerrero. Now, Santina would have to endure a Handicap Match to regain the coveted Miss WrestleMania crown.

Vickie, however, saw most of the action from the outside, with Chavo doing her bidding. But soon, Guerrero would be pulled into the mess, and endure the "slop" she got herself into. After Santina gracefully poured a bucket of mud over Chavo, the Italian Diva was able to pin the Raw GM, getting all the eggs, bacon and bling.

Vickie’s night wouldn’t just end in a mess within the hog pen. Guerrero’s husband, World Heavyweight Champion Edge, infuriated with Vickie’s choice not to offer any Raw Superstar help for The Rated-R Superstar’s upcoming title match against Jeff Hardy, stormed out of the room, threatening divorce.

Samoan Goes To Sleep

NEW ORLEANS – CM Punk overcame the odds stacked against him at Extreme Rules, defeating Umaga at his own game – a Samoan Strap Match. While Mr. Money in the Bank was strapped to the 350-pound brute Sunday night, he amazingly dragged his opponent to three corners of the ring, hit him with a Go To Sleep, then hit the last ringpost in succession for the victory. (PHOTOS | WATCH: POST-MATCH EXCLUSIVE) Later that night, Punk's night only got better as he went on to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase to win the World Heavyweight Championship. (MORE)

Umaga had been the thorn in the Straightedge Superstar’s side for more than a month. Not only has The Samoan Bulldozer thwarted several of Punk’s attempts to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase on SmackDown, he brutally defeated him at Judgment Day.

But their last meeting before Extreme Rules foretold the future, and it certainly looked bright for Punk. Friday on SmackDown, Punk defeated Umaga after hitting him with an astounding Go To Sleep, just as he did at Extreme Rules. It was a feat that some thought was impossible, but not to Mr. Money in the Bank.

Now that Umaga was beat at his own game by Punk, will The Samoan Bulldozer move on to another target, or will he try to torment Mr. Money in Bank again? And now that has Punk earned a giant victory over one of his biggest opponents to date, will anyone be able to stop The Straightedge Superstar?

Submission Accomplished

NEW ORLEANS – When a Submission Match between John Cena and Big Show was announced for Extreme Rules the question on everyone in the WWE Universe’s mind was, “How do you make a 7-foot, 485-pound man submit?” Cena answered that question tonight when he used his unmatched strength and unbreakable spirit to overcome the World’s Largest Athlete and make him tap out in a match that could only be described as a battle of attrition.

Going into tonight’s contest, the odds were certainly not in Cena’s favor. Not only did the former World Champion have to contend with Show’s crippling Cobra Clutch Backbreaker, but he had to deal with the fact that it’s nearly impossible to wrap one’s arms around Big Show’s near 500-pound frame. Cena learned this the hard way at last month’s Judgment Day when he attempted to apply his STF submission to the 7-footer three times, but failed to lock in the hold each time.

With this in mind, Cena knew he needed a different strategy for this Submission Match. The only way he would be able to make the mammoth Superstar tap out would be to utilize a new submission hold and that’s exactly what he did. After suffering through a barrage of sadistic punishment from The World’s Largest Athlete, the wildly popular Superstar fought back, nailing an Attitude Adjustment and a legdrop from the top rope. When the goliath had finally been felled, Cena used the ring ropes to apply a modified STF and make the monster tap, once again doing what no one thought he could do.

This decisive victory was a longtime coming for the star of 12 Rounds. Big Show had been targeting him since April’s Backlash where he ruthlessly chokeslammed Cena through a 7,000-watt searchlight. While Cena was able to beat Show in a singles match at Judgment Day, the enormous Superstar refused to accept defeat and continued to assault his nemesis. Now that Cena has made Show submit, will The World’s Largest Athlete once again seek revenge or can he accept that Cena was the better man? The WWE Universe will find out on the next Monday Night Raw.

Dethroned in disgrace

NEW ORLEANS – At Extreme Rules, as the smoke on the explosive, gut-wrenching No Holds Barred Match for the gold cleared, Chris Jericho stood victorious over Rey Mysterio, winning his record ninth Intercontinental Championship in absolutely vicious fashion after ripping off his adversary’s mask in a moment of complete dishonor. (Match photos)

In a brutal, career-threatening match specifically designed for pain, the resentment between two elite Superstars horrifically manifested itself on an open playing field of raw, volatile emotions that ended in dispare for one of them. Even before the bell, Jericho reaffirmed his scorn, emerging from the merchandise booth, brandishing a Mysterio mask and once again pledging to unmask his opponent and take his title. A high-risk onslaught took over from there, as the high-octane Mysterio and the ruthless Jericho tried to dismantle each other in a sea of near falls, steel chairs and absolute mayhem. And then the unthinkable happened. To the horror of the WWE Universe, Jericho suddenly ripped Mysterio’s mask off as he was going for the 619. And before anyone could catch their breath, he quickly followed up to pin the stunned Superstar, taking his gold and his dignity in one fleeting moment.

Since being drafted to SmackDown, Chris Jericho has collectively held the WWE Universe, his fellow Friday night Superstars and General Manager Theodore Long in absolute contempt, almost instantly clashing with Mysterio, one of SmackDown’s favorite sons.

At Judgment Day, Mysterio heroically reigned supreme over his outspoken adversary with the 619, the very move that his opponent promised the WWE Universe would not happen. Jericho’s defeat only further fueled the fire of his discontent and resentment. When Jericho insisted that Teddy Long give him a rematch with the champion, it was revealed that Mysterio had already asked for the match and it would be No Holds Barred at Extreme Rules.

The Intercontinental Championship itself is a title that both Superstars hold dear. Mysterio has voiced his hope to one day be among the greatest Intercontinental Champions of all-time, while Chris Jericho – who had held the title a record eight times already – seemed to be making his own record an obsessive, personal quest.

Since the beginning, Jericho has insisted his adversary “panders” to WWE Universe and claimed that he is a coward who “hides behind a mask.” Jericho used both of these notions against his prey, disguising himself behind a Mysterio mask in order to launch a sneak attack on the unsuspecting Master of the 619. Mysterio hit back the following week, attacking Jericho and executing the sitting senton onto the dangerous, hard concrete.

Now that Chris Jericho has dethroned and demasked his prey, ripping the coveted gold from Mysterio’s waist and pride from his head, how will Rey Mysterio even be the same?

Dream come true

NEW ORLEANS – After pinning Jack Swagger in a Triple Threat Hardcore ECW Championship Match that also included titleholder Christian, Tommy Dreamer became the reigning ECW Champion. How fitting it was for the ECW Original to accomplish this feat on the one night a year that WWE goes Extreme.

For some people, it’s throwing a Super Bowl-winning touchdown pass on fourth down. For others, it’s sinking a game-winning three-pointer in the seventh game of the NBA finals. For Dreamer, the ultimate dream was acquiring the ECW Title, which he did, appropriately, as time ran out.

At the start of 2009, Dreamer realized the expiration of his contract with the extreme franchise was near. He had until June to win the coveted prize or, by his own orders, he would walk away from the place he loves and has put so much heart – as well as gallons of blood and sweat – into. Disregarding the ECW Original’s effort, former champion Swagger spoiled both of his opportunities at the title, including one-on-one battles against Christian on “WWE Superstars” and ECW on Sci Fi. As a result, interim General Manager Tiffany extended the Hardcore Legend’s contract by one day to allow him a truly fair chance at achieving his goal.

While admitting that Dreamer brought the pressure on himself, Christian has shown nothing but respect for the ECW Original and his fight to prove his worth. “The All-American American,” on the other hand, has been unable to overcome his own frustrations since relinquishing the ECW Title to Christian two months earlier at Backlash.

Since ECW’s inception in 1994, Dreamer has looked forward to the moment that he would earn the reward that goes along with being ECW’s top competitor. He had only accomplished it once before, and it was taken from him that same night back in 2000. Tonight, however, Dreamer goes to bed as ECW Champion. And nobody can take that away.

Steel of fortune

NEW ORLEANS — For the first time in his heavily decorated career, Batista captured the WWE Championship at Extreme Rules, as the cage-enclosed Animal connected with the Batista Bomb to pin and defeat Randy Orton. (PHOTOS)

The only logical, yet harrowing combat setting for The Animal and “The Viper” to settle their months-long rivalry (years, if counting Evolution dissention) was within a steel cage.

Just three weeks prior at Judgment Day, Orton shamelessly preserved his WWE Title reign by causing himself to be disqualified against Batista – a calculated strategy that gave The Animal the victory but not the gold. But within the 15-foot-high entrapment, a disqualification could not earn one mercy; the champion would only be determined by pinfall, submission or escape from the cage.

It was the one night of the year for WWE to go Extreme and Batista followed suit, pillaging his opponent and introducing The Legend Killer – face-first – to the steel walls enshrouding them. With his loyal disciples locked out of the contest, the Legacy leader found himself in serious jeopardy.

Repeatedly, The Viper tried to slither his way out of the reinforced structure, seeking exodus. With the challenger stunned, Orton scaled the steel to exit until his predatory instinct seized control. The champion suddenly zeroed in on his recovering foe, descended the cage and targeted the battle-worn Batista for a punt.

Bestowed with his own primal instinct, Batista averted the strike to cause a crucial shift in momentum at a most critical moment. The defending champion quickly tried to recover and climb the cage but it only left him in a position susceptible for a climactic Batista Bomb. A mere three seconds later, Orton was pinned and his Legacy conquered.

Now a five-time World Champion with his Extreme Rules victory, Batista emphatically avenged the punt delivered by The Legend Killer in late 2008. He also executed as promised to his wounded mentor, WWE Hall of Famer Ric Flair, who was felled by Orton’s skull-rattling boot just days before on Monday Night Raw.

Though his conquest in The Big Easy was anything but, The Animal – with the WWE Championship firmly positioned in his powerful maw – now sits supreme at the pinnacle of his Raw kingdom.

Punk cashes in for Gold

NEW ORLEANS – In a wild turn of events surrounding the coveted World Heavyweight Championship, CM Punk emerged the new champion after cashing in his Money in the Bank contract against Jeff Hardy, who moments earlier, defeated former champion Edge in a brutal Ladder Match. (PHOTOS)

For months, Jeff Hardy had been scratching and clawing to regain gold that he lost earlier this year. He finally had his chance in match that was his forte. But, Hardy knew his opponent was just as at home in the bout. After all, Hardy and Edge have competed in more Ladder Matches than anyone in WWE.

But, Hardy and Edge had never gone one-one-one in a Ladder Match until tonight.

After a hard-fought war, Hardy seized his first World Heavyweight Title. Hardy’s emotions were soaring. And in the same instant, Edge's world came crashing down when he realized he lost his precious gold.

But it wasn’t only Edge who would be overwhelmed with the sickening feeling of losing championship gold.

Before Hardy could fully bask in the glory of being crowned the new World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk crushed Hardy’s dreams by cashing in the contract he has wielded since winning the Money in the Bank Ladder Match at the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania. With a double dose of Go to Sleep, Punk easily put away the exhausted Hardy.

The victory was Punk’s second of the night at Extreme Rules. Earlier, he defeated Umaga in a vicious Samoan Strap Match. (Results)

With Punk on a roll, what's next from Edge and Hardy?

How much more adversity can Hardy endure without simply giving up in his quest for gold?

And with Edge and his wife appearing to be heading for splitsville, can The Rated-R Superstar mount a focused attack to regain his gold?

The events at Extreme Rules are a perfect example of how things can change in the blink of an eye in WWE. Don’t miss the next edition of SmackDown at 8/7 CT on MyNetworkTV to find out what will happen next as new World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk comes to Friday nights.